As a mother, everything I am has been poured into my children. Encouraging them to do their best. Supporting their dreams. Teaching them about the world and always, always, always preparing them to live in it without me by their side. The job of parenting never ends and I accept that it’s a 24/7/365 gig for the rest of my life.
But… when do I recharge and focus on me? On the woman I was before I became a mom? Or even the woman I’ve grown into as a result of motherhood? When’s a good time to make myself a priority?
Honestly, the time is now. (And should have always been now.) I’m so disappointed in myself for suppressing my dreams. Work/life balance has never been my strong suit (Hello, Corporate America!) and I felt guilty. To compensate, I gave up more and more of myself for my family. What they needed. What they wanted. I feel like I only existed in relation to others. I wonder if my children got a full view of me as an individual with her own hopes and dreams, or if they’ll just remember me doing what needed to be done. (Now that I’ve posed the question, I’m sure I’ll end up with that therapist’s bill.)
In searching for myself, I’m realizing that it’s important to always maintain who you are. I didn’t do that, so I’m rediscovering what I like, and it has nothing to do with my kids or my husband. Planning my dream trip to Ireland? On it! Staying up all night to finish a book? Oh yeah. Watching reality TV that does not involve Canadian twins and home renovations? Nope. Eating chocolate whenever I want, not just after dinner as dessert? All the yesses! Attending writing conferences and having deep conversations about fictional characters? Sign me up!
I’m officially giving myself permission to just be me. Not Kevin’s wife or Daija’s and Charly’s mom. Just me. A word nerd from Ohio who hates snow, loves the beach, and is looking forward to spending more quality time with herself.
Have you lost sight of you? What’s something you’ve discovered/rediscovered about yourself?
LaShon Ison Hill
